Tip #5: Always eat in local spots (not chains) and never question the cook!

If you are eating a bland burrito, you're gonna make a friend.  

There is a strong work ethic in Fredericksburg, Texas matched only by the strong willingness to talk and eat. A man who won't "chew the fat and sit a spell" is cause for suspicion. If you don't have time to have a cup of coffee and visit, then you're just too stinkin' busy. "Just like a Yankee," they'd say.

And if you're eatin' a Bland Burrito at Binkie's, then you're gonna make a friend.

I know, I was the bland burrito eater. Harold was the one with the Cholula hot sauce and sure as fire ants crawl on ankles, he was determined to add spice to my life.

In mid-July, I was mindin' my own business eating my Breakfast Burrito at Binkies one morning at the crack of my dawn which is 8:30 am.

For those dark creatures of the North who do not know, A Breakfast Burrito is a delicacy crammed with a week's worth of groceries wrapped in a tortilla. You eat one of these and you're pretty much set for a week. This is how some Texans stay so skinny.

Asking what is inside is rude. Eating one without hot sauce is just ignorant, as I found out. I was, indeed, ignorant, but willing to learn.

After I tried and survived the hot sauce which I was told I could buy "local, at the Piggly-Wiggly," I was invited to the porch to sip coffee.

In Maine, such an invitation would take 2 generations to receive. In Virginia, it would need to follow a DAR certification and induction ceremony. In Texas, the introduction process is as follows:

Harold: "Do you have a job?"
Me: "Yes, and all of my own teeth."
Harold: "Hell, girl, git out on the porch, you git the chair with the cushion!"

On the porch, refills and advice are free. Lies are just truths not yet experienced. Gossip is just visitin' among neighbors.

Dogs, puppies, cigars, spittoons, and tourists are welcome. First names are all that is needed. Aliases are tolerated. Last names, resumes, and pedigrees are thrown out at the front gate.

Two Rules: Don't cuss your mama and don't question the cook.

It is not about propaganda on the porch. It is about real estate prices, restaurant closures, and chili recipes. A tirade would be interrupted by a deep inhaling of herb-soaked air and one of the following comments:

"You sure are gittin' a little bit big for your overalls, son."
OR

"That so. Hmmm, how's your mama jeehaw with your ideas?"

OR

"C'mon inside boy, and let's get some hot sauce for that burrito you eatin."

Hard to stay mad with an invitation like that.

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Helen Teague for OOPS: Our Overnight Planning System, http://4oops.com